Saturday, September 29, 2007

At my parent's

I tell you, the computer life is not coming easy with me lately! Now my wireless card died. Yes, it really sucks.

I am house-sitting and dog-sitting while my parents are in Italy for almost two weeks! Yay for them! But, I would like to get on my own computer and read Cunty and type my own Cunty and do all sorts of things that my parents wouldn't approve of. But I can't because my wireless card hates me. So now I have to wait in the mail for one to be sent to me. It sucks. The senders better hurry up or I will have to kick some sender's b-u-t-t.

I am in a rare mood today. I am feeling better and optimistic about the job - finally. I have my own cases now and I am still the secondary person on them, but that is fine. I need time to learn. I am also getting to know the people I work with better and I am starting to like them as well.

Last night I went out with my best friend and we had a few drinks. We were supposed to go out for lunch today with S but my friend is not answering her phone. I hope everything is okay. Also, for those of you who were concerned and who remember, she (Rae) ended up breaking up with that guy. The possessive one. He still calls and she still fights with him, but they are no longer together. I feel really bad. She went through a lot for him and is left with nothing.

My ex-friend who was my ex-lover, for all of you who remember that, called yesterday and I did not answer the call. I was proud of myself for that.

I really want to get back to reading everyone's blogs and being at my parent's is the perfect time to do that, if only I had my computer. I hope it will be soon. I miss the cats and birds at home, but Chris has been going over there to spend time with them and I have went for a little each day as well.

All right, that was a jumbled heap of information but I do not have much time and I hate being in this centipedie basement. Until next time!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Trust Issues

It's funny how before this job, I lived for going onto Blogger and reading everyone's blogs. Now I am so beyond busy ... I barely have time to do anything! When I get home, I just want to eat and walk and watch TV and do nothing with the computer. I love reading your blogs and writing in my home, but I feel so swamped with everything else - I simply have no energy to read anything!

It was so helpful to read everyone's blogs when Chris first came out of the addiction closet. This was exactly what I needed and continues to be so. I just wanted to thank you all so much - the ones of you who are new to me, and the ones who have been with me from the beginning. Thanks for being there then, with the hundreds of posts, and now, with the few I have time for.

Chris is doing so much better, it seems. There's that word again - seems. Like I said in an earlier post, seems. I don't want to claim to know if I don't. I don't want to look oblivious if he is not. Which I obviously would be because I don't see anything like the past right now. So to me, he is good. It is nice to not to worry about where he is, who he is with, when he'll be back, why he isn't answering his phone, etc.

Don't get me wrong. I am still constantly worrying about the money. It sucks. I hate it. Why am I still worried? What is he doing? Is he buying cigarettes, which he claims he does not smoke, with the credit card? What is he buying? I hate that. I want to know when I will start trusting again. I want to start trusting again. I want to not doubt what he is saying. How do I do that? How can I get over it?