Friday, July 27, 2007

Sad news

Chris' mom texted me a little while ago. Chris' beloved dog passed away this morning unexpected. She doesn't really know how. He got sick yesterday, and they were going to take him to the ER vet this morning, but B didn't make it to the truck.

It is completely shocking. Chris' brother E is picking him up from work and is going to tell him then. I am not sure how I feel about this. He will be by himself for about an hour after that and this will be the first time since stopping crack that something bad has happened. I am hoping that he doesn't feel the need to go back to it.

It kind of scares me.

But I am so surprised. I didn't know I would be so emotional about it. I really liked the dog so much. He was so full of energy, and he was monstrous. We have taken him for walks and really enjoyed him.

And when we finally buy our first house, B was going to move in with us. It really is heartbreaking. I can't even imagine how I will be when my own sweet dog passes away.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Background #3

On New Year's Eve, we had plans to spend our first "Eve" as a married couple. But at 10:45pm, Chris had to go to the bathroom. Embarrassing enough as it is, we were out of toilet paper. We were poor, and didn't make time to run out and get some.

So Chris said he was just going to run to Walgreens right down the road, grab some, and be back here before the big ball dropped. I told him that he never came back on time. He promised he would.

At 11:15pm, I figured he would be back any minute. At 11:30pm, he still wasn't back. I was getting a little anxious, not wanting to miss the big moment with my husband. I called, but big surprise, no answer.

11:45pm, not here. At 11:59, after numerous phone calls, he still wasn't back and I sat and watched a new year begin by myself. Drinking my fake champagne.

Of course, I kept calling and eventually crawled into bed. I worked the next morning and could not wait up forever. The next morning came and he was not there. He still didn't answer. I got ready for work, and on the way there, calling his mom and telling her because I did not know what else to do.

It was typical for him not to come home, as I've noted in past blogs, but it was not typical for him to be gone all night. And since I couldn't keep calling, and since I couldn't go looking, I let his mom know. She asked if he had been home last night. And against my usual nature of protecting him and trying to save face, I said no.

She said thanks for letting her know and she would keep me posted. I worked for awhile and his aunt called my work. We have always had an instant connection - she is crazy and loud like me - and I broke down to her.

I will spare the details, but I ended up leaving early (time and 1/2!!) and stayed at his aunt's for the day. They lived right down the street from where we did so they could constantly drive by and see if his car was there.

After his family showed up there, and my sister did too, his car was in our apartment driveway. His dad dragged him to his aunts, where I refused to come out and he refused to come in.

He claimed he had went to Walgreens but that there was a note on the door saying they would be back in 1/2 an hour. He claims he fell asleep waiting. In the morning, when he woke up, it was because cops were knocking at his window wanting to know what he was doing there. Searching his car, searching him.

I did not believe him, obviously. Walgreens, having a note like that?! Please. Maybe a little Ma-and-Pop store. But Walgreens? And then to be delayed by the cops for what, six hours? Sure.

After awhile of that, he left.

I decided to leave. I was going to stay at my parents. So my sister, and his parents, went back with me to our apartment and as I was going in, he was walking out. We didn't talk, nothing.

I went to my parents. I stayed there for three days. During this time, he would call, he would text, etc.

I can't even tell you how I felt. At first, I was so angry with him lying. I was so mad and so hurt that he did that to me on New Year's and at all! Then I just didn't care. I didn't care what he was saying because I knew it was nothing but lies.

I told myself that if he didn't come in to talk to me (at his aunt's), then I was not talking to him. And if he didn't tell me the truth, the whole truth (and nothing but), I was leaving.

And so I did.

The first day without him was a blur. I was depressed, and so confused. I didn't know what to do. I'm sure my family was also so confused, but that is for another installment of the "Background" series.

On the 2nd day, at night, I wanted to go over and discuss. But at 9pm, he still wasn't answering his phone. My dad, probably more pissed off than me, volunteered to drive to Chris' work and see if his car was there. I said no, it was okay. I waited a little, then told my parents I was going there.

I think they were worried about my safety, being that they already suspected something horrible.

I did the spying wife game, and drove to his work only to see that his car wasn't there. He was at home when I arrived. We talked about what happened, and about didn't happen. He stood by his story, never budging, and I repeatedly asked if he was doing drugs. Over, and over. He denied it to the bottom of his heart. He swore up and down.

Manipulating bastard.

Monday, July 23, 2007


Today is one of those days I really hate. I am sitting here, staring at the screen, thinking of all these things to write about, but my mood just simply isn't in the place to write.

I am supposed to be working but I have nothing to do, and I am bored out of my mind so I am surfing the Internet. I am also waiting to hear back from my friend and co-worker, S. Her boyfriend is in the hospital and has been since Saturday morning.

Chris and I went and visited Saturday night, but he had a high fever and was drugged up so he slept almost the entire time. No one really knows what is wrong with him. He has an infection that spread to his groin from his foot, and now apparently has a pus-filled sack somewhere. The doctors are deciding to have surgery.

S is quite scared because they "keep finding lumps" and since her boyfriend used to have cancer, any lump is not a good sign. I offer my ear and my shoulder but I am not sure either does any good.

I told her just to say the magic word and I would be there. I am unsure if she is trying to be like me, saying she doesn't want me to come but really screaming for me to; or if when she says no, it's okay, she means it. I will take her at her word for now but if when she calls later she sounds like she needs me, I will go.

I know this posting was short, but like I said, I am not in the mood to discuss more things.