Monday, August 13, 2007

Cheaters

I just don't understand. What is it about men? My recently-became best friend just found out her boyfriend is cheating on her. And to make matters worse, the other woman told her. To make them worse than that, he lied about it upon the initial confrontation.

Yes, he straight up lied. It has taken days upon days of her asking, of him denying, of her ignoring - until he finally admitted it. He hasn't confessed to all of it, not yet, but he is still a dog. It is so sad. She has been there for him through everything - when he had cancer, when he was in the hospital - and this is what he does.

What is up with guys? Drugs, sex, (rock and roll hah) - they can't seem to get enough of it, from everyone. Why can't they just be happy with what they have? Is it really necessary to go out and do more drugs or kiss up on some girl?

Or is our fault, the women? Are just too stupid and blinded and naive to think that our men just simply love us and want to be with us and make us happy, when in reality they are screwing anything that breathes? I realize that sometimes great relationships (JW and G) are formed out of affairs, but I feel horrible for my friend who has been living her life in happiness and trust and now this. She is now in the "I don't care" stage which is possibly one of the worst.

That stage - in all its glory - brings about actions of nonsensicalness. But I think that even when we are in deepest stage of "I-don't-care-ness" we really do. There is still some part of us that cares about what happens or what doesn't happen.

All I can do is sit and listen and comfort and offer my words of advice. When she wants to know what I would do, I honestly have no clue. This is one of the first times I don't act like I know what I do - don't proclaim to know everything. Because how many people would have told me to leave Chris? I know cheating on someone is different, but is it that much different?

Besides, I have recognized this in myself so much lately - who am I to judge? I am not going to judge her for what she picks because I don't know what the right way is. If he makes her happy, then good. If he is her "one", then I am not going to fault her. In fact, I don't even have that in my normally judgmental head.

What I am thinking is that I love this girl. And I have absolutely no fricken clue what I would do. After this past year, I am different. I stayed with my addict. No one has the right to judge that. After this past year, I see more clearly that no one will ever fully know why one person stays with another. If he makes her happy, then I am glad she would stay with him.

Either way, she hasn't made a decision yet but she is torn up.

This post is so clearly just a bunch of ramblations but oh well.

38 comments:

thejunkyswife said...

Guilt pangs in the stomach...oh wait, they're gone...

I was a pretty rampant cheater in the past...when I was in the wrong relationship. I sometimes can't believe I haven't cheated on G, what with how he's been acting a fool. With the Ex, one of my number one defense mechanisms was to cheat when he acted a fool.

(And really, "great relationship"? Hehe...)

It's hard...I don't want to make excuses for people who are hurting other people, or for myself and the people that I hurt with my cheating...all I know is that when I got in the right relationship, I stopped.

just another addict said...

I have historically been a cheater, too. I would be in a monogamous relationship, but always look around until I found someone to put in my drawer of possibilities. Then, I'd start fucking that person and if stuff got rough with my "real" partner, I'd book off to the "drawer." I was a pig. Men are pigs but I was/am a woman pig.
My current relationship is, like JW and G, the result of an affair. So, I felt a moment of guilt while reading this post, too. But I have also been and stayed with someone who cheated on me in the past. She fucked everything and everyone for the eight years we were together. Why did I stay?
Cause she was FINE. lol. No, I stayed cause I frickin' loved her.
Now I am the one who is rambling.
I am sorry for your friend and hope she makes decisions that are best for her.
Peace,
Scout

Married to an Addict said...

I knew I might face some opposition from that post!! Yes, I cheated once and was more in love with that person than I have ever been with anyone else. I just hate seeing the repercussions on my friend though, ya know?

thejunkyswife said...

PIGS! All of us.

Married to an Addict said...

Yes. :) Just another addict - Background #4 (http://mydowns.blogspot.com/2007/08/background-4.html) - I am going to assume that this will not be a hyperlink.

But then again - you will have to read all of the backgrounds then too. :)

I think this is at the wrong post - I think you asked for where Background #4 is at a different one. Woops! Hopefully you'll read this!

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, the cheating thing -- and I can say this as the wife of a sex addict -- kills. Of course, I ended up with my husband because I cheated on my ex-BF with him.

Still, I haven't a different perspective on cheating now -- it is never, no matter what we tell ourselves, about how good the relationship is or what a horrible persons your partner is or anything else -- we cheat because we're unhappy with ourselves, because we're immature, because we can't act appropriately. The fault of cheating is always on the cheater.

And I don't blame your friend for whatever she does -- I'm married to a sex addict! Have her come read my blog, we'll chat.

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