Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The next phase

That friend from the previous post has sunk out of the "I don't care" phase and entered the phase of crying, depression, and not caring about anything else.

She didn't come to work today and when I talked to her she told me that she had been having a horrible two weeks and simply needed a day to cry. So that's what she was going to do. She is really my greatest friend right now but this guy is no good for her.
She works with me (who doesn't??:)) and has missed days already for completely unprofessional reasons and treated the "missing days" like trivial things. I know that if I were not so close to her, I would recommend her *ss get fired! Not because I am Satan, but it really is completely wrong what she has been doing.

That's a different post. This post is about my feelings about this guy. I have hung out with him and her and I think he is awesome. I can see how he would cheat though. He is extremely flirtatious, touching me and flirting with me in front of Chris, in front of my friend. But I did not picture him as someone who would go beyond that simple harmless touching flirty thing. And now, the question is not whether he did or not. Actually, it is no longer a question. He lied.

He lied to her. And if a guy is going to mess you up this much, enough to make you sit at home alone and cry all day when she should be making money to support her and her son, he is a loser.

She tells me how he comes over every morning before work (he is in a Huber facility) and bangs on the door until she lets him in. Why, I say? Why? You said you were going to leave him alone, not talk to him or anything until you figured out what you wanted to do. She said that if she does not get the door, he will not stop banging on it and it is embarrassing to her. Well then call the cops. I know she loves him.

But the picture she is painting is not looking good. He is possessive; he has no intention of "letting her go." He will come everyday and bang, bang, bang until she opens the door. He told her she cannot go out drinking, even though she told him that she was taking a break from him. He said whatever guy she is talking to, he will send his brother out to beat him up.

I was watching something today about abusive relationships and this struck me as a little odd. I didn't say anything. I don't think he is abusing her, or ever has. I just think he is beyond possessive and that if she really, truly wants a break, she needs to set her boundaries. Who cares if he is banging on the door? Let the neighbors call the cops then.

I know, so much easier said than done. And I know she loves him and part of her wants him to come every day because it shows he still wants to be with her. I know she loves him. And I still support her. And he was always cool when we hung out. But this just doesn't feel right.

I know this isn't about me, but my life has been so good and so boring lately! I don't have much to say! I could write the next part of my life, but none a ya all have read Background #4 as it is!!


just another addict said...

Huber facility -- I did a double take on that one thinking you were from MN and then I remembered that you are a Cheese Head. Huber is kind of a northern thingie......
I am sorry your friend is hurting. Being possessive like that, telling her she can't go somewhere, banging on the door, etc. -- those are actually all parts of abuse of power and control. If she stays with him, it's probably only a matter of time until he escalates into more.
He's gross. Sorry, but he needs to go away.
I would read background #4 if you tell me where they are.

Ej. said...

Not abusing her? Emotional abuse is just as bad if not worse, because it lasts longer than physical abuse. I am sorry you're friend is going through this, and how hard it must be for you to sit back and only be a spectator, it's the most helpless feeling in the world.

Also sorry I haven't been around as much, I am trying to be more active in everyone's lives, including my own.