Monday, August 20, 2007

My old job

I know I am a very emotional person. But sometimes things just hit me out of nowhere.

I had to call work today, from Florida!, to answer a call from my boss. Turns out all four of them, which are like the little family, are all on the way to lunch together. It made me so sad! I wasn't with them, and then it hit me that after two weeks, I won't be anymore again. They will go on their lunches without me because I won't work there anymore. It's really sad, quite honestly. I won't be part of the little family anymore.

S was asking if I miss him, and saying he missed me, and that it has been a long time (3 weeks) and again, it will be a lot longer most likely when I quit, unless we hang out together some time, which we have been known to do. A whole part of my life, a part that I have loved, will be gone.

Don't get me wrong - I was and am NOT a fan of the work I was doing there. All I could think was that it was below me. That I was better than it, and that I should not be doing expenses and payroll and answering calls. I should be doing social work. But I loved the people, and that is why I went every day. I am friends with all of them in unique ways. We are all a tight knit group and I won't be a part of that anymore.

So while I am leaving to pursue a job that I will (hopefully) be content in, I am leaving them behind. I am leaving to do what I have wanted to do for a long time. The hard part is leaving this camaraderie, leaving the group of friends behind. When I first started, they told me it was like working with your friends - hanging out with your friends. And they were right (for the most part.) It's hard to weigh the options - stay with your friends and enjoy it but hate your job, or find a job you love and make new friends there.

I didn't know it would be so hard.

2 comments:

Chris said...

Change is part of life. Nothing ever stays the same. We buried my mother in October, talk about change.....I always try to look at change as a chance to grow. It is hard but you can make it work for you in a positive way./good luck

Recovery Discovery said...

I started a new job today, but not by my choice. The hardest part for me has been letting go of my team. As I went through the newness of addiction and recovery last year, I let my colleagues in in a way that I really never had before. They were so there for me, and really became my family of choice. If it's any comfort, I'm right there with ya. It's HARD!!!!!!