Sunday, June 10, 2007

Money Problems

The world without the internet is a sad thing, isn't it? I am at my parents house, on my sister's computer, wishing I could do this at home, on my own computer.

We had a fight this morning. Over something that should not have blown up so huge. I'm sure the neighbors think we are sorrily married.

He went to the casino on Friday. With my permission, not blessings. He told me he was only taking out $30, perhaps $40. However, I asked today what he took out and we were coming back from a bike ride, such good athletes, and he was silent. I knew what that meant. That he knew I'd be mad. He told me he took out $80. He needed gas, he needed money for gambling.

I was upset. I didn't quite blow up, but I said he didn't say $80. He said he told me he was taking fifty out for the casino and twenty for gas. Shocker. I never heard such a thing.

It's not like I think he's buying crack with it, but it is the principal. Can you not tell the truth for one second in your life? Stop giving excuses. You were wrong. It is not your money to throw away. We need to save, we need to pay our bills, we need to eat.

It escalated miserably. I slammed the house door as hard as possible and he rammed my mom's bike across the grass until it hurtled to the ground. The anger went up and he called me names and said fuck you, and I told him I wanted a divorce and I meant it.

It went on for at least twenty minutes, till I managed to get in the shower. I got a new tattoo the night before, and did my best to keep it from getting pounded as I leaned against the tile, crying incessantly. It was a loud crying, one of those where you can't keep the noises that come with it inside.

All because he took out too much money.


Gledwood said...

Hi April - I found you via your comment at The Junky's Wife's Blog.

I can't really add anything or any words of wisdom to your post ... I sympathize about not being ABLE to have a computer. I can't have one either. Even if i DID have the money to afford one, and got a broadband line in ... sadly, in my house nothing of any value sits around for very long ... so I go a few roads away and use a cybercaffe. At least (subscriptions/etc aside) the internet is free.

I'm so hooked on blogging that I'm looking at doing drug rehab but won't go to a place that will not give me at least a couple of hours a week internet access!

Gledwood said...

oh ps I don't even know if you know my blog?

You might find it interesting to read the PoV of someone who IS using. Most addict bloggers seem to be people who have stopped. That's the only way they get it together to actually post. I kind of do the opposite and use the net as a blanking out tool. Staying online when I should actually be doing other things

thejunkyswife said...

Oh, they do lie and lie don't they...

I suspect that my husband has had some money in the last few months and that he hasn't thought it was necessary to share it with me. The bills for our house are my problem, right?

It's similar, because I don't think he's been using, but I think he's still been hiding money. It's like he NEEDS to lie. I hate it. I hate that he keeps these parts of himself hidden from me. Sometimes, it's like having a freakin' child.

I clicked on your's my way of helping!

Nikki said...

Always with the lies, right? My husband does the same thing. I feel like its way to easy for him to just lie, like they just roll of his tongue. I wish I had found your blog earlier...