PO #1

Chris went to see his probation officer for the first time today. He said he was drug tested and there were five lines on it. He said he tested negative for four, and one came up as unknown.

He said he "freakin' the 'f' out." I acted like it didn't matter. I acted like I didn't care. Like I knew it would happen, like I knew he couldn't stay clean. He said he hasn't done anything and that he had no clue why it was unknown. He said his PO sent it to a lab and would find out.

He's worried about going to prison.

I was a bitch. I acted like I didn't care. I didn't want to act vulnerable. I didn't want to act scared. I didn't want to act like I gave a shit because then I would have to care later.

In reality, I am freaked out. I don't know. I just, I don't. He has acted so clean. In my mind, I think he is. He is home all the time. He is reliable. He has passed every other drug test. He answers his phone. He is like a completely different person. So how could he be doing drugs?

My new found friend tells me that he will get three chances. But I don't know if I can believe that. Chris told me that one "f" up and he is going away for a year if the judge says so. I don't know if I can believe that either.

What could that unknown mean? Could he be doing something behind my back? Or wouldn't that come up as positive then? Could it be a stupid glitch? Could Chris fall victim to the "false-positive" world of being sent away as an innocent?

I am freaking out too. I believe he is innocent. But when will we find out the results of the test? I thought things were getting better. I really hope that he will not be sent to jail, just like that. But he said his PO said that he might be "sitting in county for awhile" if he is lying about not doing anything.

Deep breath. This is not what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to come up clean. He was supposed to be able to go to Florida with me. It was supposed to be like visiting his fairy godmother. But it's not.