Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Migraines & Marriages

Last night was a kind of awakening night for me. I am one of those people who are afflicted with migraines. And last night was one of those lovely nights. I stupidly did not take any medicine on the onset of it, and was left with a throbbing so painful I could barely close my eyes to sleep.

Chris and I fought a little which did not help, but as I lay there, my mind running over everything - running over the excruciating pain as well, I started to feel something. All these fights, all the little bitter, bickering arguments that amount to nothing but useless and stress - are pointless. They get us no where. And I don't care to do it anymore.

Pick my battles - that's what's important. And I don't care to be so petty, so trivial, and so immature. Yes, I am angry and yes, I am bitter. But I am not going to let that affect me in every area any more. I am going to work on that, much harder than in the past.

I am sick of fighting over such stupid stuff. Actually, I am sick of fighting in general! But I am, from now on, going to keep up the mantra "Not my bucket of sh*t." And "Pick my battles."

I am done being that way. And to add another goal to the pile, I am going to really start being happy with me. I am completely happy with me normally, but I am going to get my life the way I want it. And I know I am going to be content and happy with my life if Chris and I don't work out.

So this morning, I apologized for my part in the argument last night. I never apologize. But I did. And I am glad I did. We are on the right path. And while my migraine is still hiding behind the wall of Excedrin this afternoon, ready to spring, I know I can handle it.

3 comments:

thejunkyswife said...

Look at us codies with all our clarity! I just found a new blog, Mantramine, and she's having clarity, and I'm posting about clarity...we're all getting better at keeping our hands in our own buckets of shit.

I'm proud of us.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

As a fellow migraine sufferer and fellow codependent: big old hugs to you, girl!!

E. said...

Ah, another commonality, i too suffer from headaches, i think they are stress related, mine are a little different from migraines, but i feel your pain, trust me.

It's interesting, the arguing bit, me and my g/f used to do it to no end. Like you said petty stuff, anything just to disagree. We have been working on that, and it has been better.

This morning we had a relapse. We reverted to the old behavior, all because i couldnt find a bottle of medicine. It ended in fuck you...you're a fucking... asshole...fuck you..i hate you, then get out...etc, etc.

My point being is that at least now we recognize the behavior, she too called me shortly after and apologized for her part, I did the same. But it's that toxic behavior, that emotional abuse that has pushed us to the edge, to the point where we don't know if the relationship will survive.

I am glad for you ladies. We addicts are no Sunday walk in the park. More power to you!