Sometimes I hate myself. I just had a deeply satisfying, while highly unhealthy, meal for lunch. An order of onion rings and a nacho cheese hot dog. Why, why, why?! Tonight Chris and I are supposed to go out for dinner, supposedly.
And now I feel incredibly guilty. I am going to a concert on Tuesday and am doing so good with my weight loss that I thought for sure I would fit into my jeans by then. But when I eat like this...not looking too promising. Granted, I won't be eating a bunch of things like I had for lunch tonight, but still. I hate myself for doing that; and I wish I could exercise willpower.
It only happens like once a week, but still. Now I set myself back a day. Especially if I go out tonight! So I was talking to Rae and she said just to go out tonight and not eat a lot tomorrow. Even though I said maybe I should just go out tomorrow to even things out. I don't know. I just really want to keep losing healthily and to fit into that pair of jeans!!
It's not the end of the world if I don't fit into them by that exact day - I just really wanted to. I just really thought I could reach that goal. And I'm sure I could if I didn't eat out all week until Tuesday. And even if I didn't, I still wouldn't be at my maximum goal. That was just a little goal in between.
So what do I do? Eat tonight? Or eat tomorrow? At the restaurant, that is. I know it's not the end of the world but I have been so proud of myself for getting this far. I just really thought I could do it quickly. I suppose it I stay diligent all weekend and just eat what I normally do, and walk like I normally do, I'll be okay. But it's Labor Day weekend and I'm sure I will be invited to a barbecue and ugh. I am so obsessive about this.
So one time a week eating like a pig is okay, right? One day of stuffing myself. Just eat out tonight and be careful tomorrow. I just don't want to GAIN anything tonight. Which I'm afraid will happen. It probably will, I don't know what I'm saying. I'll just have to walk a lot.
I hate myself sometimes.