Friday, August 31, 2007

I Hate Myself Sometimes

Sometimes I hate myself. I just had a deeply satisfying, while highly unhealthy, meal for lunch. An order of onion rings and a nacho cheese hot dog. Why, why, why?! Tonight Chris and I are supposed to go out for dinner, supposedly.

And now I feel incredibly guilty. I am going to a concert on Tuesday and am doing so good with my weight loss that I thought for sure I would fit into my jeans by then. But when I eat like this...not looking too promising. Granted, I won't be eating a bunch of things like I had for lunch tonight, but still. I hate myself for doing that; and I wish I could exercise willpower.

It only happens like once a week, but still. Now I set myself back a day. Especially if I go out tonight! So I was talking to Rae and she said just to go out tonight and not eat a lot tomorrow. Even though I said maybe I should just go out tomorrow to even things out. I don't know. I just really want to keep losing healthily and to fit into that pair of jeans!!

It's not the end of the world if I don't fit into them by that exact day - I just really wanted to. I just really thought I could reach that goal. And I'm sure I could if I didn't eat out all week until Tuesday. And even if I didn't, I still wouldn't be at my maximum goal. That was just a little goal in between.

So what do I do? Eat tonight? Or eat tomorrow? At the restaurant, that is. I know it's not the end of the world but I have been so proud of myself for getting this far. I just really thought I could do it quickly. I suppose it I stay diligent all weekend and just eat what I normally do, and walk like I normally do, I'll be okay. But it's Labor Day weekend and I'm sure I will be invited to a barbecue and ugh. I am so obsessive about this.

So one time a week eating like a pig is okay, right? One day of stuffing myself. Just eat out tonight and be careful tomorrow. I just don't want to GAIN anything tonight. Which I'm afraid will happen. It probably will, I don't know what I'm saying. I'll just have to walk a lot.

I hate myself sometimes.

2 comments:

Addicted 2 my addict said...

I have the same problems and temptation is damn aint it? my mom always tells me (and shes usually right) she tells me dont worry about it dont beat your self up just keep going dont let that one slip up set you back be dissapointed that you did it but dont let it stop you..god i should taker her advice. and that tends to me my prob if i fuk up ill keep fuking up but you cant you gatta just pretend it never happend and keep working hard.. if youre worried you will gain weight then just eat extra extra carefully for the next day or too.

its just wonderful how i can say these things but i cant do them!!

Recovery Discovery said...

Under much duress, I started going to Overeaters Anonymous as well as naranon. I'm finding that OA is a great place for me, because, unlike naranon where we really try, sometimes successfully, this program really IS all about me. I find alot of experience,strenght, and hope in the OA program. Just my $.02