Wednesday, May 23, 2007

NA and friends

Seriously. Tonight is NA. For all you unfamiliar with drugs/drug users/addiction help things, it is Narcotics Anonymous.

Getting his license back and getting his car back have already been big enough steps! Why the hell should I let him pick up his friend FOR NA and bring him BACK from NA? That's a joke. I need to get used to the whole idea of him having his license back and all this freedom before I let him cart his little crack addict friends around.

Trust, right? Trust him - give him a chance to prove himself. That's what people say. Well, what I say is that I don't care. I knew this would happen. I knew that when he got his car back he would let people walk all over him again. He would please everyone else before me. He would make everyone else happy and do what everyone else wanted before me.

And try to make me freel guilty. Try to tell me that "If he doesn't go one time, he might not come back. He could slip back into it." Not my problem. Not my concern. Not a big deal to me. Right? Not my problem? Not my concern?

It shouldn't be. And normally it isn't. My concern is ME. I don't give a fuck about his stupid friends. I don't trust HIM. He needs to be home RIGHT after NA. I don't care if his "friend" can't come tonight. I'm not responsible for him. I'm not married to him. I'm not going to be waiting at home for him. Prove yourself to me first and then maybe, MAYBE, I will let you take your friends places.

For now, I am number one. For now, I am the person whose feelings matter the most. Remember that.

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