I talked to that other lover tonight. M will be the initial I shall use. M updated me on life, on family, on relationships. And I found out M is completely and entirely over me, even with some regrets concerning me.
This made me realize so much how I have been clinging to the past. How I have been wishing that I had chosen M, how I have been living in sadness in regards to the life I chose with Chris. M told me that there are never thoughts about it anymore and that I made the best decision. For M, at least.
That broke my heart. I don't want to be the only one wondering. But I realized that, like I said, I have been clinging to the past. It's time to let go. M does not want me. And why should that be bad? I should be happy that M has someone who brings happiness.
I am happy sometimes. And I can't go back. I can't get M back. And even if I could, M does not want me. I need to move on. I need to let go. I need to let go of Chris' crack addiction. I need to be happy.
And I can't start being happy until I let go.