Thursday, July 05, 2007

Secrets

I guess the popular topic of the past few days for me has been friends.

One of my best friends, someone I have discussed before -Amber - , has decided to share some of my life to our mutual friends. I was pretty upset about this last night, but I have since calmed down a little.

We went to high school together and hang out with a group of guys. We are all friends, but I only see the guys once every two months or so, if that. She told me last night that she told them about Chris. I am not sure how much detail she went into but they now know that he was "in trouble with the law" regarding "drugs." I know this is vague, but it did upset me.

Amber said it's a good thing for people to know. But isn't that up to my discretion? I have always known that she is a very poor secret keeper, but I trusted her with one of the biggest and most important events thus far in my life. It hurt me because I would like to be the one to choose who knows about this.

I realize they are my friends as well, but it was hard enough telling her, telling anyone! for that matter, and it should be up to me who knows about this. It is embarrassing to me. I know it is not my fault, but it is embarrassing nonetheless.

I am trying to protect Chris partly, but mostly, I am trying to establish that I told her so many times not to tell anyone about my husband being a crack addict. I told her to keep it between us. I told her it was private.

It's so hard to know who to trust in life, and perhaps that is my issue all along. That is why I don't tell people stuff, I know that. But I chose to tell her. However stupid that may be. And I trusted her to keep it between us.

Apparently, no one these days views privacy, friendships, and respect the way I do.

3 comments:

Jan said...

We all learn the hard way that if we want something to stay a secret, we keep it a secret. Once you tell someone, ANYONE, the secret is out of the bag, and you no longer have any control over where it goes, who it tells.

It's really hard to be mad at someone we told, and told not to tell. Telling is a human behavior, and eventually we realize that our anger should be directed at ourselves. I mean, if I can't keep my own secret, why should I think someone else could?

sKILLz said...

I understand where your coming from but at the same time
I find it strange that your bothered by this. I mean dont you blog about your personal life? You dont get to pick and choose who reads it right?
Is it because it feels more like personal betrayal than anything else?

April said...

I agree with you, Jan. Not keeping my own secret. But at the same time, it is my load to carry and I would like help. I would like help from those I know will actually help me, not just hoard and gloat over the drama.

It is different because on here, I am anonymous. And yes. I suppose the better term would be personal betrayal.