I hope so, at least.
M called about 1/2 an hour ago. I was on the other line at the time, so I looked at it, smiled to myself, and ignored it. Three minutes later, another call. I ignored it again.
No voicemail, but a few minutes later again, a text message reading "Made a mistake Please disregard my phone call" I am not sure what that means. Does it mean M made a mistake calling tonight, or calling last night? Does it mean M made a mistake because feelings are actually presenting themselves, or because I was offended by some comments?
I am itching to text back and need some encouragement, quick! I simply want to know what M meant! That's all! I feel like I am not being able to shove it in M's face the way I want to. I want to be able to send a text of question and get a response, and then ignore that. This just seems like I am doing just what M wants. Disregarding. And I want to disregard on my terms. I want to disregard with a dagger to M.
A dagger for using me. A dagger for coming back into my life. A dagger for thinking I would always be there. A dagger for the insults, when M knows absolutely nothing about me anymore, and never will. A dagger right to emotional heart.
Mean, I know. But honest. So I am torn between texting back to find out what M meant or simply not writing back at all ever.
I can be strong, right? I can stay above the temptation. I can. But it's so hard.